Radioactive

Each day, I will walk into my bedroom and make a little sniff of the air to find out if the pestticide petrol smell has gone down or not. I feel like I'm some UN official going in to some nuclear plant to check the radiation level.

For the last 2 nights, everything seemed to have stabilised. Petrol smell is now restricted only to the bed. I gather that within another few more days, I should be able to move in and reoccupy my room.

Yes! PS2!!!!!!!! and back to my personal space... ah...

BOO YA!

I wanna FLY!!

Oh I cannot believe that I have nothing on at night for the whole week!

It's like a miracle!

Like something dropping from the sky! (and it's not bird poop)

I feel like I can fly...!

It's a miracle...!

La la la la la... (picture me running on the fields with birds chirping in the air and butterflies fluttering around)

Woo Hoo... :)

And I seem to have suddenly gained this excitement about everything! Even taking the MRT and bus in the morning makes me excited!

Ever since I've found this new route to go to my office (take MRT to city hall then switch to 197 that brings me right at the bus stop of Bukit Merah central), I've been getting pretty excited to wake up in the morning, so I can arrive on time at the office! I've even been so excited that I've noted down the times at which the bus will arrive at the city hall bus stop so I know when I catch or miss the bus!

And I'm so excited that each day I can't wait to take the MRT so I can listen to my favourite songs on my iPod shuffle! God IS Good! All the time. :)

*Chirp chirp*

And I just got a haircut last night and as I was going home, I was even excited about how I'm gonna clay my hair the next morning!

the little pleasures of life... ah... :)

Think I'm on drugs... maybe it's the pesticide-petrol smell that's seeping into my mum's room from my bedroom, that's getting me high... hmmm...


Or maybe, it's just the free nights, that means personal time for me to dream a little...

Nostalgia - Full Circle

Just came back from a nice dinner at the airport to celebrate my dad's 65th Birthday.

On the drive back, as we went under the air strip, an SIA Jumbo jet strut by above.

My brother went, "Airplane" to my niece, and she looked up to see, and she marveled.

Right at that moment, I remembered what my dad used to tell me about how my bro would bug them to bring him to the old airport at Paya Lebar to see planes take off and land.

Now, he's got his own kid and they're watching planes fly and take off together.

Looks like he's come full circle.

Neat.

Famous airplane scenes:

Dec 23rd 1999, remember a sister and I were at the long stretch of Changi Airport road, in her car catching every single plane that lands and flies off. Never forget. We had one or two more times of that, I think.

May 21st 2005, Ben, Chao Yang and I sat at the break waters of Changi beach watching airplanes land right above our heads while taking pictures of them. Awesome.

Circa 1994, Wayne and Garth sat on the bonnet of their cars, screaming their heads off when a plane comes soaring down on an airstrip a 100meteres away from them. Never forget my good buddy Troy who'd imagine that scene with me as we go screaming our heads off at imaginery airplanes landing. We'll do that some day buddy.

Sleeping In Exile

It's been 06 nights since I've been sleeping in my room.

I just went into my room to check and it still reeks of bed bug pesticide, which smells familiarly like petrol or kerosene. Maybe, the bed bug pseticide IS kerosene. Then I'd really been had. Or my dad actually.

Now I'm sleeping in my mum's room, which used to be my room. I feel like a squatter, lying on a thin mattress which was meant for my niece whenever she comes over to visit. Definitely strange.

My butt hurt and ached the first two mornings when I slept there, but now, I've discovered a position where I could lie and avoid the pain. Call it adaptation.

Yet, I can't help feeling like I'm home again. It's the same walls I'd been staring at oh, so many years before in the middle of the night when I'm feeling... lonely, melancholic, or just needing the space to... think.

Seems like a long time since I last "think".

Somehow, maybe a lack of time... too much work, too much entertainment... too much hanging out... has left me stranded on a vicious mechanical routine of eat, sleep, work, chill out, recreation, till I've forgotten how and when to "think". Or maybe falsely perceived Christian theology has taught me to forsake "thinking".

Pray, don think. I was taught... hmm...

But then, last night as I laid there on my thin mattress, I started to "think" and boy, did it feel good or what... it's like my heart finally got a breather, after being submerged for an unimaginable amount of time.

Feels like I'm tripping... definitely gonna "think" more. :)

Go Ye Therefore

After a while, I stood side by side with the Lord at the brink of the courts, just by the gates and the towering doors, overlooking the outside of the temple. He showed me the vast expanse out there.

He motioned to me to see the world. I knew what He was telling me. He is sending me out. He is turning my eyes to see the world that He so loved, and He's telling me to go.

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Matthew 28:18-20

He is reminding me, that there is a greater call, a greater purpose to my life than what I am going through now. Compared to the great commision, the everyday struggles of my life seemed trivial.

There is a greater call in my life, a greater purpose to fulfill.

Not that He doesn't care, but it's just that there is so much more than all these (John 21:15) So much more waiting for me to fulfill.

As I stood there beside Him, beholding the call for my life, my heart ached. I didn't want to leave this glorious place, the temple and His courts, and most importantly, His presence. But as I pondered over this, I hear His gentle voice to me again, saying,

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

There is so much more than life than all these. So much more.

Let Me In - Hebrews 4:16

Was on the MRT to work today. Felt really worn out due to a bad night on the sofa. Think I had put too much Bed Bug Killing pesticide on my mattress and it stinks so badly I had to drag myself down to the sofa in the living room to catch my wink. That was at 4am in the morning.

Funny how the pesticide reeks of petroleum smell. I suspect if there was a spark lit in my room, somebody would find my charred remains on what's left of my bed the next morning.

Coming back, I was on my way to work on the MRT this morning, and I was feeling really worn out. I was about to set myself into depression when I told myself that I'd listen to some United Live and pray in tongues to perk my spirit up. Better to exercise a little brain and tongue power than to slip into the devil's playground.

As I started praying, I saw myself, crying out to the Lord.

I stood before a towering door that reached to the heavens. It was made of black wood. I'm not sure why it was so dark. As I continued to bang at the door, I cried out, "Lord, let me in! Let me in!"

Slowly, but surely, the door began to open. And there was a bright shining light that pierced my eyes.

I soon recognised it as the courts of the Lord.

The door began to swing open to its fullest extent and the light began to grow. It seemed like it was a alive. Then, I knew it was the glory of the Lord and I fell on my knees and began to worship Him, just outside the doors.

It was then, I heard a gentle voice, that said, "Don't worship outside my courts. Come in"

I heard it, butI did not dare enter His gates. I felt so unworthy and insignificant.

The Light sensed it, and it began to grow and reach out to me. Soon, it began to envelope me and I felt myself being drawn into the courts of the Lord, past the towering wooden doors.

Then I remembered, Psalm 100:4 says, "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name."

So I began to sing the song, "I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His courts with praise! I will say this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice for He has made me glad."

The Light drew me in, but the Lord knew I needed more. At that moment, I felt the Lord, Himself, Jesus, come through the light. At that moment, as I stood before Him, He came over to hold me.

It took me a while before I could rest in His presence. I wept quietly in His bosom. I knew He knew. I know my Lord knows. He knows. And I gently wept before Him.

From the muddy banks of the Sungei Tampines

you'll notice there're some changes to my blog. Well, I'm trying to figure out how HTML works... and really come up with a blog lay out that truly speaks of who I am instead of using ready to go blog templates. :)

Which reminds me that it's time I get some books on it and study it.

The picture above (my main pic now) is a pic I took of this Malaysian band which played at Bay Beats at the Esplanade.

Till now, I can still hum the chorus of their original song. :) now that's what I call catchy. Wish I could get their album somehow. Their repertoire included some malay songs, but I thought that's authentic. Been toying with the idea of writing some chinese and even japanese songs to cross cultural boundaries for our band. Hear that guys? we're gonna JIANG HUA YU, WAKALIMASU?

Been up to my neck with several things at this point in time. Then again, when was it ever just one thing at any time? haha...

Speaking of the Band, I'm really putting my head down to just seeking the Lord for a new direction. It's not just the band or the ministry, but also for me personally as well. Many things seem to be in a state of uncertainty, and it seems like it's gonna take a while before everything crystalises. This includes everything, from career, to ministry, to the band, and BGR, etc, etc...

But amidst all, I am convinced that the Lord only wants one thing from me.

My time with Him. That is the only thing that matters.

Going to start reading a book called Pursuit of God, by the great preacher, evangelist A.W. Tozer. It's considered a classic. Hope to revive my spirit and fire through this. :)

I'm an ARTIST!!

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #2 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #3 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

What's Your Personality Type?